I needed to detach myself and put myself aside, and look at the problem from another angle; the eagle view perspective; the angle of me as an outsider looking in on the problem. That’s what you must do at all times to solve most problems, as long as you remain attached to that problem it will elude you; you have to get out of that problem by detaching yourself from it, and that way you remove yourself from the chaos of what is enveloping you and become aside from that problem or else you’ll become more entangled in it and make very rash decisions.

Sometimes, it may take someone else to help you see and acknowledge the problem which you keep sweeping under the carpet and allowing it to become heaped. You can’t walk over it, you can’t keep sweeping more but instead sweep it clean and even sanitize the area.

A pressing problem I kept doing same to over and over, telling myself I can deal with it, until an eagle eye view perspective screened in on me and saw all the heaped dust under my carpet, the one I kept saying no one will notice, I’ll clean it one day, while I kept tripping on that heap every time I passed over it, rhetorically speaking. I enabled the problem, it never was being cleaned but continued to be heaped until some dust kept flying back in my face, until it stifled me and I no longer can keep sweeping but do a complete cleaning and sanitizing of that area of my life…

When you are faced with tough situations/problems; some you may simply shrug shoulders at, some you may panic and cower down, but you must deal with, no matter what, and sometimes it takes the ‘outsider looking in view’; where you give it an eagle eye overview and scrutinize it from afar, and come up with solutions…you must detach from it to solve it or it will swallow you…

If we allow our ego to rule us, we’ll never solve anything. As long as we are disciplined in detaching; detaching from even yourself; the ego, and look at things at/from a different perspective and level, solutions will come easily…what we create in our minds; our exaggerated thought/feelings become our reality which create also exaggerated solutions which may not be the best solutions but based on fly by thoughts.

Sometimes you have to literally come out of the/your ego; loose it, your exaggerated thoughts/feelings and detach from it to find solutions. That way you can even acknowledge the problem since most live in denial of the problem….whatever it may be….Sometimes, you are the problem, and may have created the problem by not acknowledging that there is/was a problem.

Here’s to happy ending to whatever pressing problems you may be facing at this moment. Detach and have an eagle eye overview of that problem, you may even discover that you may be the culprit who enabled the problem..

Work diligently at whatever it is and come up with solutions..

Donique C. Perez 2011/06/14 All rights reserved

Sometimes we talk so much relating our secrets/problems to too many people/friends that some may not have your interests/concerns at heart and will tell it to another, then it starts to spread. By telling it to too many you may never know the true source of how it started…be wise when confiding….every smile is not a smile…..some smiles are just teeth/gum and nothing more. The world is filled with lots of pretentious people but it’s so wrong to assume/accuse anyone without an explanation/proof…

I once had a friend who did such to me over ten years ago. We used have long conversations on the phone; from spirituality to any topic that will help each other grow. We never gossiped, and I saw her as a good friend because I’m simply the type if you want to talk about others, don’t waste my time, and that’s gossiping and I won’t be a partaker of, therefore, we talked about us; our lives, our past, present, future, just the reality of life; our experiences and lessons we learned and were taught.

Then one day she called me and said to me, don’t call her back, with no explanation. I pleaded with her and asked why and what was wrong, she never replied. Well I left it alone, and I thought to myself if she doesn’t need me in her life that’s fine, maybe it was the end of a cycle/friendship/season.

We discussed quite a lot of very personal stuff so I wondered what if something got leaked by one of her (other) confidants (since she had many other friends beside me) and thought it was me, who knows? That’s what I thought all these years since she never talked about it again.

Years passed by when she asked for my number from a family member and contacted me, she called with no explanation regarding the long break in our friendship, and I continued our conversation like we were still friends. The truth is she had changed/progressed since our ‘last’ friendship, and achieve much materially and spiritually, and asked that I visited her new place she had recently built, and which I was excited to see but yet I was hesitant. I thought to myself, will she do same to me again? ..we talked by phone but never sat to speak to her in conversation eye to eye because I was visiting on a vacation, and my time was limited.

I liked who she became and though I never saw her again nor visited her place, because she never told me the reason why she asked me not to call her, and knowing me about letting bygones be bygones, I never asked….still my ears were still opened to whatever cries and concerns she had…maybe she’ll realize who her true friends are/were and what a true friend I was/am. I assume she wanted to make up for the ‘misunderstanding’ but in her conversations with me she never mentioned it. I allowed her to reveal what it was in her timing, whatever it was, still I refuse to hold it against her because I still don’t know the reason why she said what she said.

Sometimes we don’t know the emotional conflicts and depth of people’s problematic heart/soul; their problem, maybe their one step from insanity yet you must reach out to them….still I believe it may have been a problem she may had been faced with that she didn’t want to talk about, who knows? What if it was nothing I did? What if she was dealing with her personal problems and wanted no one to further conflict them ?..I never knew why.

My heart is still open and I still have her number, so its never too late to make amends, even let bygones be bygones.

And so life goes on with a smile whether we choose to hold people in our hearts for their wrongful accusation/assumptions of us or even our wrongful assumptions/accusation of them, or move on and see them as valid, important lessons….

I chose to forgive her eons ago, and has now turned a new page in my life and our level of friendship, and what true friendship means and what it is to love unconditionally.

Donique C. Perez Copyrighted July 15, 2011. All rights reserved.

Sometimes I get lonely when I am all alone,

and can’t fight the pain,

the pain of my complicatedness

because I am so intricate,

so hard to please,

so hard to compromise

my dreams with your dreams

We live in a world of complicated people,

who are trying to find themselves;

so lost just like me

yet I demand of them what I want them to be;

what I want of them,

the things in me I cannot see;

my insecurity

Sometimes I feel all alone

because I won’t come out of my comfort zone,

to reach you

in your comfort zone..

Donique C. Perez Copyrighted 2011/08/24 All rights reserved

The thought of starting all over; sometimes with young kids totting along, and alone drives some nuts. The insecurity of needing to have someone constantly walking alongside you for life is what you envisioned, it’s what you live for.

Broken dreams you spent a lifetime, that includes before you were married, planning, have to be squashed or placed on the back burner.

• Dreams crushed; kids with mainly one parent, and the idea of another person will eventually be part of your former spouse’s life and raising your child in some form or fashion repulses you.
• Making new friends, because you no longer want to be part of your ex’s friends’ circle, sometimes you don’t even want to be his or her friend because of the accumulated bitterness towards each other.
• You may also think of how others will view you since most give their family and friends different versions and stories of your life with them, some may be fabricated lies yet convincing, so you’ll feel strange being around his or her friends and family…
• So much bitterness occurs that the man/woman you once loved and vowed with, becomes the worst ‘dog’ there is, and she becomes the ‘b@#tchiest b#@tch’ you can encounter…the constant yapping and bringing down of each other…the constant battle; psychological and emotional, and sometimes financial entanglement yet most battles wear you down emotionally that it embitters you.
• So many years of memories you hang on to; some broken, and some that seem unforgiving, some you bore and griped all these years yet stayed for unforgiven reasons; kids, too much to lose, too much years invested, your kids’ stability, your come back; ability to stand on your own and on and on while you become more embittered.

Finally you have made up your mind to call that ‘game’ quits; the constant battle for supremacy or sometimes for nothing but to just hear your voice…to speak between the constant noises in that embattled home.

Sometimes there is no fight at all, verbally or physical and suddenly you decide you had enough and you no longer want to be in that marriage anymore, not sudden but it may appear so to the unsuspecting party, because marriages don’t end suddenly, there are many signals; those red and amber lights that may have been blinking all throughout the marriage that you both ignored or maybe someone else adds lustre to your life, and it may be just lust too:) We are unpredictable creatures, so anything is possible, and you find another reason to jump off your unhappy train but you need not ride the pity train.

When I was going through my divorce I was never sad for one moment, though years of my life was invested in it, and don’t get me wrong, it was not like I didn’t love my husband, we had a very ‘communicative’ relationship, one in which we communicated and conversed about anything; one of the best you’ll want in a relationship that today I still can talk with him and probably walk away comfortable without us both arguing whether who’s right or wrong but still that wasn’t enough to save it. It was not an embattled divorce, it was an amicable one, one in which I came out unscathed without any bitter feelings and vindictive scheming; those wasted energies that most divorces run into, and people put their effort into.

When it came to an end, it was a sigh of relief for both of us, no drama. Why the drama? Love people and set them free, no one belongs to anyone, we are and came to each other lives to enhance and improve each other’s lives, when it doesn’t work out, ease out safely with a smile.

You need not be dramatic. Forget about the promises, promises can and will be broken because you are not in control of your destiny; some things will happen and you may encounter that you did not expect, and you may have to make a detour in your life.

We never made each other life miserable from thereon, all I cared about was his maintenance financially and continued participation in our child’s life, and in the back of my mind I hoped that he found a woman of good character in case my son visits.

Part of these vows in marriage should be ‘I love you but it’s possible that should some things come up in my life at a later time and have to part, don’t ever assume your importance and enfolding in my life was slight but I will always love you unconditionally though we will never be together again……etc, etc:))..so that we don’t hold each other to ransom…and so life goes on with a smile.

Yes, we dwell on hurts and pains and ‘whys’, and ‘I’m sorry I met you’, ‘you wasted my life, time, money, and I bore you tons of children yet you left me’….then we start living in self-pity and wait for ‘Ms/Mr do it right’ to unleash our hurts/pains/garbage/luggage later on down because we have now conditioned our hearts to the ‘all men are dogs, and women are cats or b*#tches’ logo; gold-diggers with fork and spade in hand waiting even for their burial..

To deal with the stresses of your divorce your first reaction/reflex sometimes is to be comforted in the arms of another, a vague mistake some make and regret as it’s done to empathize with your feelings and sometimes it’s nothing more than sex, and the party involved gets hurt.

Please don’t stifle your pains if you are not coping well with it, open up to a confidant, someone you trust, never the opposite sex, you may just be led into temptation, but someone who can subtly guide you or sometimes yank you out of your grief and self-pity and those ‘ifism’ that trails in your mind.

I think I should write a book on how to have an amicable divorce from a embattled relationship and come out feeling safe, sane and free.

The ones who have difficult and terrible divorces are the hard-hearted ones, the ‘out-to-bring-you-down-take-you-for-all types’; (listen to my podcast on that) those who wish to not see the other party free or move on successfully, we make our lives hard by controlling; the need to possess, and manipulate others and then it becomes an ongoing battle with the joyful smiles of the lawyers; the only winners.

I love you enough to walk away if everytime we get a chance, we quarrel, nag, verbally abuse, talk down each other or whatever. I must remain sane and drama-free for myself; there lots of drama on television, if I need one I can easily switch on the television, yet I am not a drama fan.

Healing will take time; the desire to feel whole again since you believed that your partner completed you, they never did, they complimented you and now you must face life on your own, singularly but with a better feel and experience of life, of partnership depending on how you choose to absorb and swallow it but most of us know that something is wrong in the marriage that sometimes can be fixed, not by counsellors only, but by our willingness to make it work, whether whose right or wrong but we remain stubborn and there is no winner in the end…

Give yourself time to breathe, and be patient with yourself, walk and talk yourself through it, that you will be alright, and it’s not the end of the world for you despite the slow down and setback; one of your greatest setback; starting all over alone without familiarity around and with you but don’t go too long mourning over it.

Do things that will distract you because life goes on, and maybe that other person may have moved on. Cry if you need to cry and release whatever pains, nothing is wrong with that. It’s okay for men to cry, and I beg you men to release your pain because you will carry your hurts to another relationship and same of women; you carry your hurts and pain too long, (the difference is that most men forget hurts as soon as they see a beautiful woman who hypnotizes them) and though they vow never to be married again ..until….cupid strikes again..

There’s surely life after divorce, even if it was messy….you can move on and find yourself, in all the after effects…the ability to be and feel whole again without him/her because you were always whole…with or without them.

I am all for beautiful and wholesome relationships, some call it marriage but when you feel you get to the point of contemplating murder or suicide in it…move on and never feel guilty or you were not worthy; you tried but not every marriage will work based on our selfish expectations and demands on it, and on others even on ourselves….all that glitters is not gold nor diamond. When you love unconditionally, you never hurt because you don’t become possessive with your love for someone but will send them away from you with love and set them free to be……and to love again.

Will continue in another note, and in chunk size bits….

Donique C. Perez Copyrighted 2011/08/29 All rights reserved

life is meant for experiences;

meant to fill us with lessons

but our expectations

are really our intentions;

not others intentions

or expectations

You are what you think

what you feel

what you speak

what you expect

and we live in that illusive zone

of apprehension

What you dream are not my dreams;

what you expect are not my expectations

because I never expect;

I never suspect;

I never regret

but I can reject

Because I am capable of

rejecting, yet allowing;

spitting, yet swallowing

because no matter what touches the tongue

there remains the remnant of the taste

even though you never swallowed

Yet I have the right to wash my mouth clean

of that smell, that taste;

that taste that’s embedded in my memory

of a past once removed…

Donique C. Perez Copyrighted 2011/08/24 All rights reserved

When one becomes detached from one’s circumstances, it becomes easier to derive the true meaning of happiness. Then I ask myself, should I achieve all the material ‘things’ that are missing from my life, would I be happy? The answer was ‘No,’ because they would only make me comfortable, and my happiness would have eluded me looking for it through my ego because ego is really the physical side of you that is attached to things, people, situations while happiness lives within your soul; a place where you find your spiritual balance…

You can quieten down the ego, but it can never be removed from you because it keeps you in check; aware, and of the ‘physical’ reality. However, the ego creates fear, grand illusions, delusion, surmounting chaotic panic attacks, and undermines us, so we must be disciplined in how to detach from it before it ruins us.

We go into counter attacks because the ego speak to us and lead us; our physical, into emotional and physical battles. We become possessive, filled with greed, hate, and jealousies of one another; who’s better than the other, when we become engrossed by our ego…

We feel the need to be protective, even defensive (over protective emotions), and in fearing, we become attached to things, feelings therefore becoming tied up in that chaotic aroma because it offers us that fake emotional security and stability, all of which are temporary.

We care what others think of us, how we will look in the eyes of others, the emotional dogma; the willingness to please and to never displease. This is such a small part of us that overshadows our powerful being and who we truly are; what we can achieve and reveal when we release the ego…and when we get ruled/overshadowed by it, we create conflict in our lives and those of others.

When others come into your own space with those insecurities, they create for you an uneasiness with their inflated ego; cramping up your space wih their polluted energies, and maximizing yours also; your ego, and until they release it, it will become/remain cyclic.

Don’t live your life based on valuation; of yourself or others; how others see you; their perceptions or even yours, based on your/their status; standing, how powerful and influential you/they are. Some of us can only function in this physical reality, and not outside of it based on our concept of life.

Ego stifles the unconditional love within you, and you create your enemy within,  you also begin to see enemies around you when there aren’t. No matter your material comfort, intelligence/education, or status because you allow ego to control you, it can also break you and so happiness becomes illusive because you live within a chaotic comfort zone..your illusion of happiness. Should all these be taken from you, you become ego-deflated.

The moment we keep our hearts open and in tune with our spiritual being, we wil begin to love unconditionally and we will also begin to choose compassion over judgement, condemnation, isolation and segregation. We will begin to see our lives through the eyes of one, and not the fighting down of each other because we are also fighting down ourselves when we do so.  Release the ego, and/to remain spiritually tuned, then when everything falls and peels off; the ego becomes dormant and not dominant…You’ll become detach yet aware because the ego will no longer dominate you…

~Dc Perez Copyrighted 2011/12/02 All rights reserved~

I cried a tear for you because I know how it feels for I am walking that walk also but it will be over at some time….Nothing remains constant….I am walking with you.

 
If I can hold on, a bit

One bit more for these moments to pass

For in this moment the world stands still

And everything seems cruel

And life seems aimless

With no purpose

No matter how difficult life seems

How heavy my burdens may be

How broken my heart and body feel

I will still hold on

With the fighting spirit in me

This moment is just for a while

And will pass

No matter how loud the echoes are

And how my soul roams and cries

In this battle of painful solitude

Walking this journey alone

I hold my head up high,

and God is always there

There will always be quiet

After the storm

If only I can hold on

For it will again be norm

Nothing lasts forever

Nothiing stays the same

For my struggles are never in vain

If only I can hold on

For that moment will pass…

Donique C. Perez Copyrighted 2011/08/24 All rights reserved

What Do You See When You Look Into Your Mirror?

Do You See Yourself As You Are,

Your Programmed Thoughts, Perception, Illusions

And Influences Which Determine Your Reflections

Because…..

When I Look Into MY Mirror

I See A Black-Skinned Woman

Embroidered With A Multi-Colored Heart, Face And Skin

Covered With Traces Of Pure Cosmic Love Dust Of The Creator

Sprinkled All Over Me

You See, I See Everyone In Me

Every Religion, Every Color,

Every Race, Every Language, Every Status

Because You See When I Look Into My Mirror

I See Only A Conglomerate Of Hearts

And Hear The Hearts Of Every Race, Every Nation

No Ethnicity, No Color, No Creed, No Class,

No Status, No Separation, No Segregation

Because I Am One And With Creation,

No Identification, Indentation, Determines My Affiliation

No Division, Racial Barricade, Description,

Or Isolation Which Creates Confusions

But Human Emulsification,

I’ve Become A Sponge And Absorb Everyone One, Everything

That’s What I See, That’s What I Feel

I No Longer Look In The Mirror Of Definitions;

That Mirror Of Contention

I Broke The Mirror

The Mirror That Was Stained And Handed To Me

Blurred With Racial Segregation, Division.

I Broke The Chains That Bond Me Mentally And Visually

To The Slavery And Wastage Of The Mind

But Instead I Reflect Every Color,

Every Race, Language And Heart

That My True Blackness And My True Mirror Image Reflect You,

Every One Of You;

Your Culture, Your Skin, Your Heritage, Your Heart

For We Are All Looking Into The Same Mirror

Sometimes I May Choose To Dress Like A Different Color In Black Skin

Not Because I Don’t Like My Color

But Because I See You In Me, And Me In You

Yet Dances Like An African

I Can Even Cook Like An Indian,

I Embrace All Religions;

For There Is Only One True Religion And It’s Love

And I Speak The Language Of One; LOVE

That’s What I Reflect From My Mirror Image

Pure Unadulterated Unconditional Love

For We Are One When I Look Into The Mirror;

Your Mirror; The Mirror Image

Now Look Again And Tell Me What Do You See In Your Mirror

Is It Clouded By Your Pre-Programmed Thoughts That Were Fed To You,

To Stay True To Your Color, Resemblance, Culture, And Heritage?

I’ve Deprogrammed And Embrace My Reflection; My Mirror Image

And I See You; Every Color, Every Race, Culture,

Every Language; Our Universal Language; Love

I’ve Cleaned My Mirror Squeaky Clean

And I Looked Again And What Did I See?

The Perfect Morph; Adapting To The Mirror In Me

You Are All That You Are

And All That You Are Afraid To Be

I See God In My Mirror; THE Mirror

And In Him I See All Of Us; And I See Me

I See Everything, For We Are ONE…

In MY Mirror;

THE Mirror I Look Into.

Donique C.Perez Copyrighted 2010/11/14 All rights reserved

We are all human who are loaded with mixed emotions that swing here and there without any given notice, you may not get up on the ‘right side of the bed’, something may be bothering you or you simply had a bad day; season.

Who am I to judge you on how you greet me, it may be just your bad day, and just being you; just being human. And your greeting me may also be your impression of me. If I judged you on a first impression, it means I’ve closed my mind to you and have not given you a chance to be you; or even a second chance.  I’ve ‘pre-judged’/assumed you..

Sit at a restaurant, and observe someone whom you never met and let’s assume they are the person who you may be having a conversation with later on, observe their body language; their true self, no sugar coating, nothing, because they are being their true self without strings tied; no pretense, remember they are being him/her self without being observed. I can deal with that person than someone who pretends to impress me when they meet me eye to eye.

I remember the saying, be sure to make a good first impression because first impression lasts, but why pretend how one really truly feels/who they are, hiding behind a mask to impress? The truth is, yes you shouldn’t carry all your bad traits about you, which are sometimes changeable by changing your attitudes and look at circumstance/situations differently..

The problem with most people is we live masked/double lives and we believe if we don’t mask/fake it until you make it, we will not be successful or make it.

Well I’ll be darned playing Miss Invincible; can not ‘crash’ or have bad days, be disappointed or whatever those come and go feelings, fly by in the night, it doesn’t last but you may find me in a foul mood which I may be entitle to but which I am not entitled to dwell in too long.

I don’t judge people on what my first impression is of them, because it means I am not open minded to them, all I see is what I feel/see of you and that is so wrong on all counts. Be mindful that’s how one gets fooled, by impressions, which are merely our assumptions, sometimes pretense/deceptions. Just imagine doing something you’re not comfortable in; in your skin but doing it to impress…that’s deceptive mostly to yourself, and proving something to what the majority expects of you.

To create a ‘good’ impression means one has to be their best self, none of your bad traits must show itself, that is why after a while when people get accustomed to you, and after that perfect facade, they start showing their true colors and we become disappointed by them because we were taught to be impressive, even sugar coat everything so it appears gullible, not be you. I am not saying to put all your bad self out there but trying hard to be impressive is almost like being deceptive. I believe one should work on their ‘weak’ points..whatever that means by expected ‘standards’:)

Look at how some relationships play itself out; some pretend and impress to attract their mate, then after a while, they show their true identity/color after the catch:); dishonesty, misleading, pretense show their faces. What do you expect anyway when you haven’t given the relationship time before coming to conclusion based on first impression?

You should be able to speak without talking, without trying so hard to win over anyone. Have you seen programs where one applies for a job and the best man wins thingy comes into play, you try hard to convince someone you’re good/best for the job, literally begging for that job, being your best self and someone assumes you may not have impressed them enough probably by one fault/dislike. That was their assumption and it also means you’ll never get another chance to prove yourself because it was based on impressions; proving one self, no room for error. Well we know of some who win by curry favor/knowing someone, or even simply because that person ‘talked without speaking’; simply deserved a chance..

We live in a world of impressions; your house, car, job, color, way you dress, who we hang with, the way you speak, even the church we may attend, we are judged by; we create impressions to be accepted; liked, fitted in. Then behind close doors we fight with who we truly are; who God created you to be.

Be mindful that in making that first impression, be sure to keep it up or your true colors will bleed and others may see right through you; your transparency.

Don’t try so hard to be impressive, that’s oppressive and you’re being deceptive mostly to you. I believe the last impression is what leaves a lasting memory…it means I’ll always leave all doors open to prove and be who you truly are..over and over again..until:) I believe in second chances and allowing people time or we’ll all be cast aside because we are not ‘impressionable’…

I once met someone who wasn’t given a chance based on their first impression. I gave them that chance now they are my greatest impression:)

©Donique. C. Perez Copyrighted 2010/10/12 All rights reserved